Sunday, June 27, 2010

Fancy meeting you here...

Years of history steeped into our subconscious, we tucked away the memories of us and lived our lives.
Funny that it would take a chance meeting on a sunny day to remind us.
Can't say that everything came rushing back but interaction is easy. The bright yellow rays makes smiles frequent and laughter genuine.
Summer seems to be able to give everything a light, breezy and relaxed halo.
Nothing heavy, nothing much to say.
A nice way to dream away the day.
Fancy meeting you here.

S.O.A.P® Blogging on the go...

Friday, June 25, 2010


I know that you wanted to ask.
Heard the question begin to form in your heart and whisper against the tip of your tongue, gently blowing at the very tips of your lips.
I heard you pause as I explained that "I just wanted us to have a conversation that didn't end in frustration, annoyance and hurt".
I know you wanted to ask as the missed call tag we played didn't become tiresome to you.
You continued to keep on trying to reach me.
I know you wanted to ask.
It didn't go unnoticed.
Was appreciative of the way that you respected what I had decided.
Thank you for being a sweetheart.
I know you wanted to ask.
Its fine. Ask what you wish.
I will answer.

S.O.A.P® Blogging on the go...

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

The mustard seed

Mark 4 vs 31 & 32

It is like a grain of mustard seed, which, when it is sown upon the earth, though it be less than all the seeds that are upon the earth, yet when it is sown, groweth up, and becometh greater than all the herbs, and putteth out great branches; so that the birds of the heaven can lodge under the shadow thereof.

So... This was my reading for today. Even though the parable is speaking of the kingdom of heaven and if we apply this same theory to our lives and ourselves I feel it can give a little perspective.

Never underestimate how amazing you can be.
Of all the seeds that produce herbs, the mustard seed is by far the smallest.
It, however, produces a tree unlike other herbs that started as bigger seeds but only produce plants.

If you stay the way that you started you will never become greater.

As humans we have a tendency to underestimate and not try to see more than the eye originally focuses on.
We are greater than our shells and our potential is way more far reaching.
We just have to acknowledge and be willing to go with it.
Just trust.
Have a little faith.
And be prepared for the growth.

S.O.A.P® Blogging on the go...

Write speak

I don't know what's going on but everyone wants to talk to me via email or text.
Me, I'm a talker.
What happened to meeting to share?
Let's sit down and discuss or phone and reason.
Unsure of their reasons for making this decision but I think it will soon tip me over the edge.
Talk to me.
Look at me.
Hear my pain or happiness as I listen to and feel yours.
I apologise for being so short with those that do but sometimes it gets too much.

I don't want to spend forever reading what's wrong when you can just...
Talk to me.

Not so much a poem but a vent, a plea.

S.O.A.P® Blogging on the go...

Monday, June 21, 2010


Run away with me.
Let's just do it.
Go somewhere and start something that is just for us.
In a place that life is slower, skies are bluer, grass is greener and the stars shine at night.
Let's rid our souls of this oppressive cycle.
Lift our spirits and just be.
Live free.
Run away with me.
Let me, wake next to you each morning rising in time to make you breakfast.
Pad around bare footed in one of your tees across old wooden floors and soft rugs.
Early morning kisses and night time hugs.
Walk with me by the river, for it was there that I was touched by unselfish Love.
Learning once again why we dared utter those 3 little words.
Hold me like you once loved to and kiss me out of random urge.
Because I have learnt that you are more at ease when we carve out a place that hasn't been touched by any other negativity.
Run away with me.

S.O.A.P® Blogging on the go...

Sunday, June 20, 2010

22nd July 2010...Fresh.INK... my very first event...

The rejection of the Misconception. Screw what you thought you knew!

Ok... Soooo... As the blog name suggests, on 22nd July 2010 I will be holding my own event.

The idea behind Fresh.INK is to provide a home/platform for poets to deliver raw/real/emotional poetry in a safe space and also to help rest of the world see just how amazing this artform is...

I have thhheeee coolest line up for the launch event, which will be held at the BBC Bar just off of Oxford Street.
Dean Atta
Deanna Rodger
Inua Ellams
With Dubb'l yoo T as our host for the night.

To make it even better, all proceeds from the event will go to Body & Soul an amazing charity that supports children, young people and families living with and/or affected by HIV.

Check out my coool artwork below (thank you to Rah over at soulBEAUTIFUL inc. for that), with the details of the event below that...

Date - Thurs 22nd July 2010
Venue - Club West One, BBC Western House, 99 Great Portland Street, W1 1AA
Doors open - 6.30, Show Time - 7.30
Entry - £5 (with an optional donation from BBC staff)

Look forward to seeing you there


Friday, June 18, 2010

Catch 22

I miss the time that you used to say "I Love you" or "143" even.

Thing is, I yearn to hear those words drip from your familiar lips landing on my skin and soaking through my lonely pores.

I know you won't say them because you fear I may not believe them.
But because you don't say them I struggle to believe that you feel them.
Catch 22
Typical circle created by me and you.

I struggle to remember the last time that you allowed your heart to release those syllables and let them dance freely on the tip of your tongue.

I wish for you to, once again, look me in the eye and allow your soul to hold onto mine. Whilst whispering sweet nothings to the very core of me.

I know you won't say them because you fear I may not believe them.
But because you don't say them I struggle to believe that you feel them.
Catch 22
Typical circle created by me and you.

So tired of feeling alone.

S.O.A.P® Blogging on the go...


I don't want it.
Don't want it because you don't want it and though deep down I know that I really do want it I want what you want and so I shouldn't want it.

Funny that something that many people never find is the one thing that wish I can lose because it stopped representing anything positive the moment you didn't want it. Now it feels like an oppressive blanket. Dark, wet and heavy.

The sparkle in my eyes is clouded by the distance in yours.
Conscious of every little thing I do and say. Nothing is correct or welcome anymore.

Just wanting to make you smile in the same way that I used to...

S.O.A.P® Blogging on the go...

The saga continues...

Ain't this some buuulllll shit???

S.O.A.P® Blogging on the go...

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Soooo not a good look...

S.O.A.P® Blogging on the go...

Coco confusion

Random thought -

Why is it that you can bang any part of your body and get a bruise but you bang your head and you get a coco?

Answers on a postcard?

Tuesday, June 15, 2010


I don't want to be here.
Want to be in a place where the soft blue sky meets its sandy counterpart in a natural horizon.
A place of gentle solitude where I can escape this day to day.
Needing to be away from everything that brings me pain.
Funny, because even though I can count these things on less than one hand I am struggling to fix them.
I guess I'm hoping that some of them will rectify in their own time and own way.
Fearful of returning to traits that led to darkness.
You don't really know my story even though you think you know me.
In a place I never intended to be.
Stuck in a circle where I'm told things that in the long run, the teller really doesn't mean.
A reflection of me maybe.
Confusion in a take out box.
Want to be in a place where the soft blue sky meets its sandy counterpart in a natural horizon.
A place of gentle solitude where I can escape this day to day.
Lord, please give me peace.
I just want to breathe easy.
Balance is all I need.

S.O.A.P® Blogging on the go...


I learned just how wound up I am.
Just label me 'MoodswingsRUs' and give me a chocolate bar and a hug.
Stress and me are simply not meant to be.
Have contracted tourettes suddenly
Struggling to resist the urge shout words that I do not normally use
The eff word.
The bee word.
Even the cee word.
Trying not to scream or become terribly unreasonable.
No body understands and it feels like no one cares enough to be patient enough to help heal me.
I just want someone to let me offload.
Let me shout, cry and laugh.
Let me be negative and defeatist.
To still hold me while I struggle to push them away.
Rub my back while I contradict my contradictions.
Because if they knew me at all they would understand that it is a process that I go through.
Negativity rarely defeats me but for as long as it stays stuck inside of me, it will fester and grow.
Spreading like gangrene.
Just getting worse.
I need to let it out...


A knee jerk moment of madness and now I feel I have to keep myself in check.
Feeling things that border on the irrational.
I guess this is what insecurity feels like.
I think it’s because I can’t read your next move anymore.
Trust, understanding have all gone out the window.
I used to be sure that there were certain things you wouldn’t do just because…
“nah… he isn’t driven in the same way others may be… he feels a certain responsibility to me”
The space of easy accessibility that you have created for others.
The way you refuse to place distance between yourself and those that desire you.
The simple but glass sharp knowledge that you owe me nothing.
That one word now feels like a fast fading echo.
I can’t be sure of things I once was.
Swimming around in this sea of uncertainty.
Unable to open up and give.
For the most part, offers of help and support are now covered in white noise.
My fault? Yours? Both?

Wednesday, June 9, 2010


Today I am thankful...
I tend to not think too much about birthdays.
Not because I am concerned about growing another year older but because it really isn't that big a deal.
Last night into today I have been shown appreciation and care on a scale that I am simply not used to.


Thank you to all of those that have taken the time out to show me that I have made a difference in their lives.

I am humbled and blown away.

Happy Birthday to me.

S.O.A.P® Blogging on the go...

Monday, June 7, 2010


For the next few days I want to...
Just Be.
I already know what will come afterwards but for these remaining and soon to be misused hrs I just want the luxury of walking around blindly... all be it temporarily.
Want to remember how to be happy.
Any tears should be the result of ecstasy and shouts are to come from simply being free.
I will smile at past pain and live without future sadness.
So let me enjoy the little things and spend time in a place far from this routine madness.
Don't want to talk about the yesterday or the tomorrow.
Just the now.
Just be.
I know its crazy.
Impossible possibly.
Don't wanna think just wanna feel.
Don't wanna think.
Just let me feel.
And for any moment that you are in contact with me.
Try and do the same.

S.O.A.P® Blogging on the go...

Sunday, June 6, 2010

Summers Eve

We spent hours in conversation.
Catching up.
Letting our patchworked guards down.
Created a space of our own.
This grass covered no go zone and people left us alone.
Just you and me.
First side by side and then back to back.
Recounting days past making sure we had shared till the last stone of information was cast.
Missed moments and withheld memories all explained with as much detail as our well read mouths could utter.
So much laughter.
You served me and up until this very moment I am unable to figure out why.
So many tiny little things that I noticed and replay over and over in my minds eye because these things make the silence easier to live with, when it arrives.
Just you and me.
Private jokes shared.
Mini rants where no poor unsuspecting soul was spared.
Became partners in crime as we planned the liberation of the bottle we had bought with us specially.
We did it all on that summers eve.
And when it was time to leave?
My sadness was gently dabbed away by your offer to further share your space as we headed back to your place and listened to music whilst we played.
Black jack was your choice of game.
Just you and me.
Candles alongside a pre-planned play list created the flickering back drop and I believe I showed you who was boss as card after card resulted in you emptying your glass quicker and me being semi-victorious.
You watched me silently.
Your eyes washed over with this unexplainable curiosity.
Wasn't sure what you were exactly trying to see but for the first time in as long as I can remember I didn't falter self consciously.
Just stared back.
Just you and me.
As time wore on and the candles lost their glow.
We connected.
TWICE that night you silently spoke to me.
Told me stories of a time when love was burned onto your tongue so that each syllable you uttered slowly dripped from your lips covered in maple syrup and honeycomb.
Sweet and easy to swallow.
Your skin wrote all over me.
Tattooed my body with tales of a next lifetime.
As tears pricked at my dilated eyes I turned away to hide.
Though you felt it, I believe.
Tears signifying the freedom those last few moments had brought me.
Just you and me.
Falling into a satisfied slumber I tried not to ponder on who's space I was currently occupying.
I mean, I knew this side of the bed didn't belong to me.
But I chose to write my name on it for the time being.
As deeply as my heart would allow me.
I relaxed with ease listening to your heart beat.
Woke feeling rested and cloaked over with peace.
No matter how temporary.
Just you

S.O.A.P® Blogging on the go...

Friday, June 4, 2010

The home of my Soul

It's got glitter and everything...

S.O.A.P® Blogging on the go...

Thursday, June 3, 2010


I am unpredictably consistent.
Making me easy to read but difficult to understand.
I flip flop on this emotional roller coaster, taking anyone that holds on along for the ride.
You have taught me to bite my tongue even though it isn't a norm in my book.
I have said things that have hurt you.
The expression of my pain has forced you to pull away.
In my head I hoped it would create this feeling that would lead to you wanting to stay.
But I look at the decisions you have made and am silent.
I am learning.
I guess just not quick enough.
Funny that the world looks at me and assumes that I have it all together.
You run away unsure of what you have to offer.
In reality.
I am just a woman that isn't afraid to listen to her heart, soul, conscience and the Holy Spirit.
Waiting to be lead.
I am not certain of most things but am always willing to roll up my sleeves and give it a try.
If I don't know.
I learn.
I work damn hard to increase my knowledge base, to understand the internal and the external, to be at the top of my game because the alternative option just doesn't make sense to me.
You know this better than anyone as you have removed my google privilages on more than a few occasions.
I have an insatiable thirst to learn, to grow, to be better.
My mind, from time to time, is flooded with insecurities about this body of mine, this heart of mine, this mind of mine.
Uncomfortable with lustful stares but wanting to be desired... by your eyes.
I will move heaven and earth for those that I Love.
Regardless of the cost.
I have an ever moving comfort zone as I constantly force myself to attempt the unthinkable before I have thought too much.
Often starting sentences that I am too scared to finish because that means I have no other choice but to release.
Now I wonder... if anyone will ever be able to fully love ALL these elements of me instead of picking which ones they want to utilise and which they wish to leave.
Instead of mis-judging and avoiding me.
Running away and breaking me.
Taking pieces of me and refusing to return them peacefully.
Knowing full well that I will never ask for them back.

S.O.A.P® Blogging on the go...
Heart melts and softens.
Familiar warmth spreads through my soul.
Smile alters my face.
Tears come easy.
I swear... Only a hand full of people are able to do this to me...
Break me down.
You... YOU!!!!
You didn't have to, Didn't expect you to but ...
Thank you xxx

S.O.A.P® Blogging on the go...

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Free flowing nausea

I feel sick every day now.
You know that feeling when reality sinks in and you realise that you can do nothing about it.
Eating is unappealing.
Sleep is fleeting.
My stomach is twisting in shapes I did not know it was capable.
A contortionist's wet dream.
Filled with disbelief that this is now the way things will be.
I don't want it.
i DON'T want it
i don't WANT it.
i don't want IT.
Why be unhappy when happy-ness is right in front of you.
Y be unhappy when happy-ness is what I will give you.
Why B unhappy when happy-ness is right in front of you.
Y B, unhappy when happy-ness is what I will give you?

Good morning.

Grey floods through my window
I am as lethargic as the slow moving clouds blemishing the sky with their dull, gloomy presence.
Waiting for the blue to become my saviour.
Today, I am exhausted.
Numb even.
Wishing for a miracle to rectify the past few months.
As I prepare to walk into a new year I am unsure what to expect.
Wondering how much of this past year will spill over.
Contamination or enhancement?
I have reached a place of acceptance where I will stand in the middle of what I believe and be the honest, open, truth.
No renegotiations with my heart.
Nor pretence to restart.
Just try and find peace in the things that have come to be.
In truth I am struggling.
I will do my best.
It's all that I can do.

S.O.A.P® Blogging on the go...

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

I want this...

After searching for aaaages for an album that had all of the Ojays songs that I wanted on it, I stumbled upon this...

Oh My gosh...

I will so be treating myself to this on my b-day... lol