Thursday, June 3, 2010

Me...

I am unpredictably consistent.
Making me easy to read but difficult to understand.
I flip flop on this emotional roller coaster, taking anyone that holds on along for the ride.
You have taught me to bite my tongue even though it isn't a norm in my book.
I have said things that have hurt you.
The expression of my pain has forced you to pull away.
In my head I hoped it would create this feeling that would lead to you wanting to stay.
But I look at the decisions you have made and am silent.
Regretful.
I am learning.
I guess just not quick enough.
Funny that the world looks at me and assumes that I have it all together.
You run away unsure of what you have to offer.
When
In reality.
I am just a woman that isn't afraid to listen to her heart, soul, conscience and the Holy Spirit.
Waiting to be lead.
I am not certain of most things but am always willing to roll up my sleeves and give it a try.
If I don't know.
I learn.
I work damn hard to increase my knowledge base, to understand the internal and the external, to be at the top of my game because the alternative option just doesn't make sense to me.
You know this better than anyone as you have removed my google privilages on more than a few occasions.
I have an insatiable thirst to learn, to grow, to be better.
My mind, from time to time, is flooded with insecurities about this body of mine, this heart of mine, this mind of mine.
Uncomfortable with lustful stares but wanting to be desired... by your eyes.
I will move heaven and earth for those that I Love.
Regardless of the cost.
I have an ever moving comfort zone as I constantly force myself to attempt the unthinkable before I have thought too much.
Often starting sentences that I am too scared to finish because that means I have no other choice but to release.
Now I wonder... if anyone will ever be able to fully love ALL these elements of me instead of picking which ones they want to utilise and which they wish to leave.
Instead of mis-judging and avoiding me.
Running away and breaking me.
Taking pieces of me and refusing to return them peacefully.
Knowing full well that I will never ask for them back.

S.O.A.P® Blogging on the go...

2 comments:

G.R.E.E.D.S said...

Honest and inspiring

x

Rebeka said...

Agreed with Greeds lol but i LOVE the line "Making me easy to read but difficult to understand." Priceless!!