Tuesday, September 28, 2010


I want to ask you
But fear bleeds stronger than courage each and every time I open my mouth to say something.
Cotton mouth and parched throat create dust rather than opportunity.
Maybe you would go with me but I am restrained by past commentary.
Fire burns easily and quickly
I guess silence is all that will protect me.

S.O.A.P® Blogging on the go...

Monday, September 27, 2010

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Conspiracy pt 1

You see...

This is why I hate shopping for underwear...

Bra's are too frickin expensive when you cross over a certain size.

All I walked away with was 3 bra's and 5 pairs of knickers.

So to all you men who seem to love larger breasted women... Give us bra's NOT flowers.

S.O.A.P® Blogging on the go...

Friday, September 24, 2010

Can you...

... keep a secret?

*leans forward*

Lean closer... Closer...

I think you are magic.

S.O.A.P® Blogging on the go...

Still believe.

"We won't change our tone
You're in my bone marrow
Argue but it still feels like home"

S.O.A.P® Blogging on the go...

Thursday, September 23, 2010

210 mishap


I get on my bus (210) and just after the back doors, there are those 2 double seaters that are raised. I guess it must be the bus mezzanine or something? Anyways, there is someone sitting on the window seat of each. A black man to the left and a white lady to the right.

I sit on the right. My choice was made quickly and easily... There was more space next to the lady and I had my gym bag as well as my plus size frame to sit comfortably.

There is a turkish looking lady that is just behind me and looks immediately frustrated with me. I look to the lady I'm sitting next to (just in case they are friends) but the lady next to me has her head buried in a book.
I look back to Madame turkish and notice that a look of disgust now replaces her frustration...
This is, unfortunately, is aimed at the black man whom she quickly passes (with continued look of disgust) and goes to sit in one of the 'make you feel sick for your whole journey' backward facing seats.

To me, it appeared as though she believed the black man to be a disgusting creature whom she simply couldn't be expected to sit next to.

I immediately got 'hot' and wanted to say something.
Two things stopped me from doing this.
1- me blowing up at her might somehow make her feel justified to have any backward notion that she is possibly carrying about
2- I didn't sit next to the black man. Which is something she could easily throw back in my face, regardless of my reasoning.

So... Now that my ramble is over, I would like to ask
Have you noticed anything similar on your travels?
What did you do?
How would you have reacted were you sitting in my seat?

Cheers xxx

S.O.A.P® Blogging on the go...

Monday, September 20, 2010

Room with a view

My mind is running at top speed.
Turning over quickly, hurriedly.
I try and decipher the riddles, try to take the muddy colours and separate them out into recognisable hues.
Thought and feeling stand at opposite ends of the room avoiding eye contact.
Each time their pupils lock confusion finds a way to block any communication.
This situation.

S.O.A.P® Blogging on the go...

Friday, September 17, 2010

Hannibal Pektor... great way to start the day


Tuesday, September 14, 2010

All I want...

...Is some jollof, some lamb/goat/beef stew and some ice cold cherry coke...
Damn you north london for not having anywhere for me to buy these things to comfort me.

S.O.A.P® Blogging on the go...

The Real F Stop


SO I am about to rush out to Chill Pill, a lovely, weekly poetry night at Scream Bar on Bethnal Green Road in shoreditch but before I do... Just want to link you to a Fashion and Photography blog by Mr Darrel Hunter.

For as long as I have known him he has been obsessed with fashion, shoes in particular, and he has now turned that passion into a tangible artform.
Trust me when I say that this guy works extremely hard and has an amazing eye.

You should check him out (and then book him). I will also post some news about a lil project that myself and Darrel will be working on in the near future, very shortly...


Check out some more of his work on his Model mayhem page - http://www.modelmayhem.com/770027

Email - darrelwh@gmail.com
Twitter - http://twitter.com/darrelwh

Greed’s and Nutty P Sampler 4 – Blog 1

So, rather than me doing a complete blog review of the sampler I’m thinking that every so often I will drop a little something in here.
That way I can link the sampler just to remind you of the sampler and also give my 2 pence worth.

The track I have decided to start with is Aura.

Those that know, know why!

The track starts out with melodies that could possibly have you thinking it’s gonna be a track about love, and I guess in some way’s it is, just not in the typical, conventional sense.

Aura tells a story that many creative's face.
Being somewhere and seeing others that claim to share the same skill and passion tear your craft to shreds.
It also reminds you that you are the torch holder, you are responsible for your craft and you have to ensure you etch a path that would make those that come before and after you proud.

Though I wasn’t fortunate enough to sit in on any of the sampler 4 studio sessions, I have been in the studio and in rehearsal spaces with Greed’s and I tell you, my pen and pad never leave the same.
It gets even worse when you put him in the same rehearsal space as The Remedies… All I can do is sit silently and watch genius at work whilst wishing I had half of the vision contained in that space.
Greed’s uses his doubles on this track to give his vocals an almost futuristic sound which perfectly compliments the sound and feel of Nutty’s production.

Again , I’ll say… Those that know, know why.

I have to admit, I had not predicted the beat progression and as soon as that build hit, my hand immediately went to my head and excitement made me laugh.

Say it with me this time… Those that know, know why!

All I wanna do is listen to this track loud as hell on some big ass speakers with the bass turned right the way up.

The different blends of melody, sound and music make this track, in my opinion, probably the strongest mainstream contender.

“My aura’s bright and bold, wicked and bad, does not slack, always in tact, so fresh so clean, no in between’s if it was harmonies I bet you’ll sing”

What say you?

A snippet of Aura

Check him out –

Website - http://www.iamgreeds.com/
Contributor - http://www.myboxfresh.com/profiles/user/GREEDS/
Twitter - http://twitter.com/iamgreeds
Facebook - http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=40589140717#/group.php?gid=40589140717&ref=ts
Youtube - http://www.youtube.com/greedstv

Monday, September 13, 2010

I remember...

"I remember the way you used to love me

I gave you all my precious love
And anything you wanted from me
You didn't hear me calling out
Calling for your warm affection after all this time
You can't deny what I'm feeling is real
And I stood right by your side
Went through all the hurt and pain
And you turned and walked away"

S.O.A.P® Blogging on the go...

Old movies and junk food.

So much to do.
Clutter fills my thoughts and my space but I have lost the motivation to get my house in order.
For now.
I want to eat chocolate and ice cream, washed down with cherry coke and time.
Allow the sweet bubbles to wash away the grey as I watch old indie movies commenting on how gritty they feel.
I survey my surroundings and feel swamped.
My mind is a land mine of half finished thoughts and inconsequential decisions.
Finding constant distractions and panicking when I don't get shit done.
Avoiding the gaze of responsibility catching up with me.
I feel unreliable.
All talk and no follow through.
I am a muddle.
Slow motion forcibly takes control until I am stuck.
Sitting still, breathing is barely audible.
Temporary paralysis.
Too much.
Cold to touch.
I've had enough.
Losing the will to get it right.
So much to do, so little time.
Numb from the constant effort.
Wanna say "fuck you" to those beady eyes of judgement because they probably wouldn't last a day on my shoes.
For now, lemme fill my mouth and stomach with all the things that should remain on the outside and start numbly at someone else's story.

S.O.A.P® Blogging on the go...

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Candlelight expedition.

Do you ever try to remember what my body feels like?
Do you consider whether your fingertips would glide as easily as they once did?
Soft hands on soft skin.
Warm to touch.
Sweet to taste.
The expanse of my back providing the canvas for you to write your dreams, desires, fears.
Stories of overcoming and lust.
Tales of dead ends and trust.
Everything that once was.
The back of my thighs.
The protruding comfort zone of my tummy.
My arms and anywhere else those storytelling, braille reading fingertips might take up residence.
Pardon but may I make a suggestion?
A candle lit, moonlight, get to the final destination whenever we arrive expedition.

S.O.A.P® Blogging on the go...

Thursday, September 9, 2010


Friggin barbecue day
I want roast potatoes and gravy back!!!!!

S.O.A.P® Blogging on the go...

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Visitation... WIP

I know why you come here...

You come here to get the latest installment of gossip.
Wanting to see what my open and sincere heart has bled for your amusement and banter.
You come here to find out whether smacking him on the arse is acceptable behaviour.
Whether you might be in with a chance.
Asking questions that will further your cause.
Looking relentlessly for the answers I will not give.

You come here to gauge whether you are worthy competition.
What you will never understand is that I slice open arteries and pour my essence out without fear.
I will continue to do so long after you have ceased to come visit here.
My priority isn't being better than any of you but simply being better.
I do not write to gain notoriety and hand claps from the easily amused.
I am these words.

You come here because I will not speak to you.
I have shut down and in a bid to find out where my heart is you search syllables and phrases, the odd and surprisingly placed metaphor.
You come here and are sometimes stung by my honesty, hurt by my hurt but only withdrawing as a response when you should be working harder to grow with me.
You come here because knowing that you can be affected by my pain somehow makes you feel less guilty.

There are a few that visit here because they respect my integrity and honesty.
Admire ability.
Love me personally.
To those, I thank you sincerely.

I know why you come here.
Keep on coming...
Maybe you will learn something.

She Sits...

She sits.
Reads and re-reads from her small notebook.
Recalling lost moments and pain
"Acid rain tears burn trails down my cheeks and fall into the memories of you and I.
Burning pearl drop holes leaving disjointed recollections of patch worked time.
Their only mission is to remind.
I am not a part of your world.
You met me in mine.
Leaving my everyday intertwined with images of us.
You live your life outside of anything that we created
Whereas mine was saturated with the scent of us
And no I find no escape"
She sits
Pondering on lost moments and pain.
Actions that could have been prevented or at least lessened in potency.
Betrayal is what she feels.
But not by him.
By herself.
That female intuition she was sure she possessed led her astray
It wasn’t supposed to end this way.
And now, as she falls into this spiral she tries to steady herself for when she hits rock bottom.
Not long to go now.
Not long to go.

S.O.A.P® Blogging on the go...

Sunday, September 5, 2010


He said that falling in love was gay, whilst singing along to "why do fools fall in love" and you know what?...

I think he really means it.

S.O.A.P® Blogging on the go...

Saturday, September 4, 2010


So, maybe I hope for too much?
Maybe because I'm the "drop everything when my loved ones need me" type of person part of me expects the same.
But it isn't the same.
Sometimes plans change but other times action is non-existent.
To the point that I have to push pride and aside and beg for attention.
A little affection.
Sometimes its just about being able to cry whilst someone holds you tight.
Maybe its irrational thought caught up in my mood this time.
I guess for now, I'll just keep it all inside.
Reassess and got back to self...

S.O.A.P® Blogging on the go...

Random thought...


I was working on something new this morning and I kinda had one of those moments where it dawned on me... I am so fortunate to have this ability.

Corny or seemingly conceited perhaps but let me explain.

It is very rare that I write with a plan in mind. I mean, words literally fall out of me onto paper/PC/BB.

I use freeverse to freewrite (ha, you see what I mean? That could be a hot line in a poem or rap and it wasn't even intentional ... *must remember to use that one day*)

It's as if something else takes over and I am just the medium for it.
I get into that zone and I'm off, with the fairies perhaps (as my mum would say). Something trance like occurs and these brilliant ideas just materialise out of "nowhere".

I'm sure the same thing applies to painters or sculptures or anyone creative for that matter.

I guess that's why they call it a talent?

Random moment over...

S.O.A.P® Blogging on the go...



I had a home made Cherry Coke float for breakfast this morning.

Probably not the best way to start what is about to be a long and very involved day but was definitely the best way for me to start the day, if you know what I mean.

Some days I wonder if I should try and be famous so that I could get sponsored by Coca Cola and have all the Cherry Coke that I want.

*sigh* Love is...

S.O.A.P® Blogging on the go...


Hold my hand. Please.
Do it on reflex.
Do it because of your need to feel my skin, my warmth.
Finger tips and palms.
Be comfortable enough to act on impulse.
Just for us.
An additional attachment to this bond.
Soft digits curl around firm ones.
Know this much, souls connect when we touch.
So, hold my hand.
You are allowed to, you can.
But only because you want to.

S.O.A.P® Blogging on the go...

Thursday, September 2, 2010

No shame in the game! Lol.

Let me be
I want to be
Got to be
Your sugar give mama some sugar mama
Sugar Mama.
Come, sit on mama's lap.

S.O.A.P® Blogging on the go...

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Picture book

So... The butterflies are back.
The bad ones that are felt but not heard.
2 events later and still not a word.
I try and justify the path of "send" to "silence" but come up empty handed with palms facing downwards towards a dirty but very familiar ground.
Ok, so I admit it. I went out on a limb.
Found that last bit of self confidence, the remaining drop of bravery, gathered up the lonely crumbs of sexy and sent them whole heartedly.
I want to ask if you received these but sure if you had and were at all interested there would be a red flashing response.
The word echoes in 3 syllables, constantly.
Ringing nightmares into existence and new pain into being.
No longer seeing in 4D my vision comes single mindedly.
Summers cold winters night.
We said goodbye and my self confidence lay in a puddle of shadows.
Hastily placed foot steps leave it in prints along the overused road.
I didn't even expect a reaction though I had hoped for one.
I Just wanted acknowledgement.

S.O.A.P® Blogging on the go...