My heart still tightens when memories are recalled.
Already questioned what you felt.thought.saw.
A mistake I will not repeat.
I had no words, no desire to eat, tired but have forgotten how to sleep.
Unsure why you showed me and then rejected me.
It isn’t about the humiliation.
It is simply this
“If not me then it will be she”
Soon enough, as I am used to seeing history repeat.
A burned deck of cards, charred beyond recognition.
I blacked in and out of you and now the chapter's closed and our black board is void of the colourful chalk that was once left on its easel for our free use.
My world is filled with silence and I wander around knowing what is it to be a deaf mute.
A pain that will remain and continue to stain
No turning back now and no more misunderstandings as you made it clear to me.
Unable to look you in the eye.
Shame faced I wish to disappear into the faceless throng.
I am sorry for putting you in this position for this long.
Sorry for forcing you to dance to the same repetitive, dreaded song.
I get it...
If I hadn't before this point, I am now in complete understanding.