Tuesday, March 18, 2008

The downfall of the Chameleon

Before my sister got married she said something to me that has never left me,
“I knew I was ready to marry him when I realised that I wasn’t afraid to lose him”
Now I know upon first reading that you may scoff, disagree, possibly even think that she is out of her mind, and to the people that I have repeated this statement to thus far, their initial reaction is always in the negative, but let me explain why this is a necessary mind state to have, in order to maintain a successful relationship.

All too often we wait patiently and quietly for the person we want/love to fix up and be what we want/love. We alter key things about our personality, remain silent when injustices occur. We don’t tell them to shut up when they need to be told to shut up, don’t tell them when they hurt us, NEVER dispute incorrect behaviour and, more importantly, never ask the questions that we know we should, you know, those burning questions about the other man/woman, questions about what they want with the future, questions about what they want from/with you and what they are willing to give you.
Well, in my opinion it is because we are fearful of them walking away from us.

This is what my sister meant when she made that statement, she had reached the point where she knew that she would much rather live in complete happiness being the person she truly is, whilst he was allowed to do the same, he needed to accept that, just as she needed to accept him otherwise they would never work.
Imagine, living in a space where you could always be yourself… most of the time, the only opportunity we get to do that is when we are alone.
I look at my sister and her husband and their happiness is evident, they have truly achieved the blend of 2 becoming 1.

Anyone that knows me knows that I can be relatively fearless when it comes to asking certain questions. If a man can’t handle it, why should I spend endless nights worrying about what it was that I apparently did wrong and how I can fix it.
Honesty has become paramount to me and people that aren’t able to give me that have no place in my inner circle. It never fails to amuse me when people pay no attention to me politely letting them know that, for some reason, the truth always finds me and then try and get away with hiding said truth.

All around me, I see women afraid to ask the questions they know that they should, I see them isolating elements of themselves and trying to be what they believe this particular man wants at the time they think he wants it.
I see men trying to figure me out so that they can rank higher in my life, I see them trying to ask the right questions and being hesitant about answering questions that I ask, without realising that I am aware of this behaviour and I become increasingly frustrated with this attempt at being “right”.
Imagine living your life never being 100% true to who you are just so that someone else will want you for "who you are". I would honestly go insane.

I will be who I am, regardless of who you are. Love it or Leave it alone.


Joel said...

Is it really that simple though? Most people are too scared of the truth. When the truth is your best friend though, people call you rude and blunt. They want to censor you, simply because they censor themselves. They make up bullshit gender rules about how honest a woman can be, and how honest a man can be to a woman.

I don't like hiding. That time has passed. I like standing on my mountain and letting my honesty be my queen. I realize this could very well make me a lonely person in the end...but I'd rather do that than live with anyone who couldn't handle it and muffled the existence I've waited my whole life to attain.

SOC said...

I think that most people get the first part of love right and the second part wrong. I reckon love is made up of 50% loving who the person is and 50% loving and accepting who the person is not. that way you have 2 life mates who can 100% be him or herself and 2 life mates who can cope.