I didn't realise how much a kiss meant until I didn't have it.
Something about the closeness of soft lips on soft lips made me feel... Connected.
Desired.
Attractive.
A special piece of fondness.
Tenderness.
Endearment.
Specific.
A complete sensory experience.
See the love and affection.
Smell the familiar.
Hear the soft inhale/exhale.
Feel hearts beating in excited contentment.
Taste...
Something about the way it finishes off a passionate embrace or starts a chain reaction in, well you know, that *ehm* place.
I didn't realise how much a kiss meant until...
S.O.A.P® Blogging on the go...
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Thursday, April 22, 2010
...
You said "I thought you were stronger than you actually are" and I felt sick.
Disappointment filled my red hot blood and I became deflated for I had let you down.
Stronger...
Right now I certainly wanted to be
But something had made me feel like you would treat this softness a little more kindly.
Lulled into what I thought was a place of safety I removed the bricks that protected me.
But when you flinched in what appeared to be repulsion I struggled to force regression.
Misunderstood.
My ability to retreat and reset had been something I had only done when it there was absolutely no other way.
Disappearing into a world of my own making until it was all better.
This, however, felt like a disaster and I was ashamed.
Longing for the insulating warmth of my bubble.
It's mad because it seems like I have become less in control since that very notion took hold.
It's getting worse.
Like the saying has increased the doing and the being and now you keep seeing me not coping.
I had made a mistake and now I felt ugly and weak and damaged.
S.O.A.P® Blogging on the go...
Disappointment filled my red hot blood and I became deflated for I had let you down.
Stronger...
Right now I certainly wanted to be
But something had made me feel like you would treat this softness a little more kindly.
Lulled into what I thought was a place of safety I removed the bricks that protected me.
But when you flinched in what appeared to be repulsion I struggled to force regression.
Misunderstood.
My ability to retreat and reset had been something I had only done when it there was absolutely no other way.
Disappearing into a world of my own making until it was all better.
This, however, felt like a disaster and I was ashamed.
Longing for the insulating warmth of my bubble.
It's mad because it seems like I have become less in control since that very notion took hold.
It's getting worse.
Like the saying has increased the doing and the being and now you keep seeing me not coping.
I had made a mistake and now I felt ugly and weak and damaged.
S.O.A.P® Blogging on the go...
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Time the Healer?
It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone."
— Rose Kennedy
S.O.A.P® Blogging on the go...
— Rose Kennedy
S.O.A.P® Blogging on the go...
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Poet
In dedication to GREEDS.
Those that were at Get Familyar will understand...
Last night
You embraced your truth and became something I never will.
I was proud.
Prouder than I am able to fully express, for the growth that I have seen when it comes to where you are now and what you have been left me awe struck.
I stood there and thought "ha, I know him"
I wished to be like you.
Brave, gifted.
But understand that it won't happen.
People questioned why I did not step on sacred ground, and my heart acknowledged that is not the path God has laid out for me.
Not my destiny.
You have found you and it was as I knew it would be.
You see, I already know the potential you hold and am resigned to sit and watch quietly.
Blessed to have walked with you through this journey.
On Monday 19th April you made History.
For the second time in less than a year.
I was thankful to have been there.
POET
I felt your fears as you stepped to the stage but also knew that you would do something special.
I understood without you even telling me that you would prove a point simply because you were to share the stage with those that were there long before you acknowledged your gifts.
I saw the vein in the side of your neck and braced myself for the impact of 3 years of frustrations, fears and blessings.
Experimental success in its purest form.
You
Are
Remarkable.
Excitement bubbled within me as I watched the whole crowd manipulated.
The looks of astonishment as your expressions covered them and they understood.
They understood.
Understood.
You made those that came before you blush… took them to a place where they became the student as you showed them what "new school" was really going to do.
They felt the pressure of having to go after, had to breathe deep and hope that they could fill the footprints burned into the space that they were now to attempt to grace.
Fuck… don't even know how else to explain.
Pride.
Awe.
Love.
You.
POET.
Now…
What's next?
S.O.A.P® Blogging on the go...
Those that were at Get Familyar will understand...
Last night
You embraced your truth and became something I never will.
I was proud.
Prouder than I am able to fully express, for the growth that I have seen when it comes to where you are now and what you have been left me awe struck.
I stood there and thought "ha, I know him"
I wished to be like you.
Brave, gifted.
But understand that it won't happen.
People questioned why I did not step on sacred ground, and my heart acknowledged that is not the path God has laid out for me.
Not my destiny.
You have found you and it was as I knew it would be.
You see, I already know the potential you hold and am resigned to sit and watch quietly.
Blessed to have walked with you through this journey.
On Monday 19th April you made History.
For the second time in less than a year.
I was thankful to have been there.
POET
I felt your fears as you stepped to the stage but also knew that you would do something special.
I understood without you even telling me that you would prove a point simply because you were to share the stage with those that were there long before you acknowledged your gifts.
I saw the vein in the side of your neck and braced myself for the impact of 3 years of frustrations, fears and blessings.
Experimental success in its purest form.
You
Are
Remarkable.
Excitement bubbled within me as I watched the whole crowd manipulated.
The looks of astonishment as your expressions covered them and they understood.
They understood.
Understood.
You made those that came before you blush… took them to a place where they became the student as you showed them what "new school" was really going to do.
They felt the pressure of having to go after, had to breathe deep and hope that they could fill the footprints burned into the space that they were now to attempt to grace.
Fuck… don't even know how else to explain.
Pride.
Awe.
Love.
You.
POET.
Now…
What's next?
S.O.A.P® Blogging on the go...
Monday, April 19, 2010
Escape
I just needed to get out
Panic set in quickly.
Embarrassment at your nonchalant response to my reliance and the resulting hurt struck harder than any physical blow you could have delivered in fact.
“Exactly” you spat.
Careless with your words but I now feel that this is intentional as it as gone on for far too long.
"I don't need you" sticks to each of your sentences regardless of the haphazard phrasing.
So now, everything that we worked so hard for has no meaning.
Chest puffed full as you are proud of your separating.
You see, none of this needed to be so hard but you won't stop running.
The knife keeps turning.
This apparent achievement of backward progression.
As if to rub salt into a wound that was already weeping.
Claustrophobia clawed at my soul as you kept speaking.
Fake.
That is all that remains.
The reality is, I am nothing.
Not woman, not friend.
Nothing.
I gave because you asked.
I just needed
To get
Out.
Believe it or not I contemplated escaping whilst you were still moving… for longer than I should have.
Everything was clouded by grief and pain and then… the shame.
I should have known better.
Should have walked away long before now.
Everything feels different to me but for you, it’s just one of those things.
Reason, season or lifetime…
Seasonal in your mind.
S.O.A.P® Blogging on the go...
Panic set in quickly.
Embarrassment at your nonchalant response to my reliance and the resulting hurt struck harder than any physical blow you could have delivered in fact.
“Exactly” you spat.
Careless with your words but I now feel that this is intentional as it as gone on for far too long.
"I don't need you" sticks to each of your sentences regardless of the haphazard phrasing.
So now, everything that we worked so hard for has no meaning.
Chest puffed full as you are proud of your separating.
You see, none of this needed to be so hard but you won't stop running.
The knife keeps turning.
This apparent achievement of backward progression.
As if to rub salt into a wound that was already weeping.
Claustrophobia clawed at my soul as you kept speaking.
Fake.
That is all that remains.
The reality is, I am nothing.
Not woman, not friend.
Nothing.
I gave because you asked.
I just needed
To get
Out.
Believe it or not I contemplated escaping whilst you were still moving… for longer than I should have.
Everything was clouded by grief and pain and then… the shame.
I should have known better.
Should have walked away long before now.
Everything feels different to me but for you, it’s just one of those things.
Reason, season or lifetime…
Seasonal in your mind.
S.O.A.P® Blogging on the go...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)