Me...

I am unpredictably consistent.
Making me easy to read but difficult to understand.
I flip flop on this emotional roller coaster, taking anyone that holds on along for the ride.
You have taught me to bite my tongue even though it isn't a norm in my book.
I have said things that have hurt you.
The expression of my pain has forced you to pull away.
In my head I hoped it would create this feeling that would lead to you wanting to stay.
But I look at the decisions you have made and am silent.
Regretful.
I am learning.
I guess just not quick enough.
Funny that the world looks at me and assumes that I have it all together.
You run away unsure of what you have to offer.
When
In reality.
I am just a woman that isn't afraid to listen to her heart, soul, conscience and the Holy Spirit.
Waiting to be lead.
I am not certain of most things but am always willing to roll up my sleeves and give it a try.
If I don't know.
I learn.
I work damn hard to increase my knowledge base, to understand the internal and the external, to be at the top of my game because the alternative option just doesn't make sense to me.
You know this better than anyone as you have removed my google privilages on more than a few occasions.
I have an insatiable thirst to learn, to grow, to be better.
My mind, from time to time, is flooded with insecurities about this body of mine, this heart of mine, this mind of mine.
Uncomfortable with lustful stares but wanting to be desired... by your eyes.
I will move heaven and earth for those that I Love.
Regardless of the cost.
I have an ever moving comfort zone as I constantly force myself to attempt the unthinkable before I have thought too much.
Often starting sentences that I am too scared to finish because that means I have no other choice but to release.
Now I wonder... if anyone will ever be able to fully love ALL these elements of me instead of picking which ones they want to utilise and which they wish to leave.
Instead of mis-judging and avoiding me.
Running away and breaking me.
Taking pieces of me and refusing to return them peacefully.
Knowing full well that I will never ask for them back.

S.O.A.P® Blogging on the go...

Heart melts and softens.
Familiar warmth spreads through my soul.
Smile alters my face.
Tears come easy.
I swear... Only a hand full of people are able to do this to me...
Break me down.
You... YOU!!!!
You didn't have to, Didn't expect you to but ...
Thank you xxx


S.O.A.P® Blogging on the go...

Free flowing nausea

I feel sick every day now.
You know that feeling when reality sinks in and you realise that you can do nothing about it.
Eating is unappealing.
Sleep is fleeting.
My stomach is twisting in shapes I did not know it was capable.
A contortionist's wet dream.
Filled with disbelief that this is now the way things will be.
I don't want it.
i DON'T want it
i don't WANT it.
i don't want IT.
I DON'T WANT IT!
Why be unhappy when happy-ness is right in front of you.
Y be unhappy when happy-ness is what I will give you.
Why B unhappy when happy-ness is right in front of you.
Y B, unhappy when happy-ness is what I will give you?

Good morning.

Grey floods through my window
I am as lethargic as the slow moving clouds blemishing the sky with their dull, gloomy presence.
Waiting for the blue to become my saviour.
Ironic
Today, I am exhausted.
Numb even.
Wishing for a miracle to rectify the past few months.
As I prepare to walk into a new year I am unsure what to expect.
Wondering how much of this past year will spill over.
Contamination or enhancement?
I have reached a place of acceptance where I will stand in the middle of what I believe and be the honest, open, truth.
No renegotiations with my heart.
Nor pretence to restart.
Just try and find peace in the things that have come to be.
In truth I am struggling.
But
I will do my best.
It's all that I can do.

S.O.A.P® Blogging on the go...

I want this...

After searching for aaaages for an album that had all of the Ojays songs that I wanted on it, I stumbled upon this...

Oh My gosh...

I will so be treating myself to this on my b-day... lol