Internal Battle

Numb... right now I feel like I'm detaching from my internal
Can't control it but don't know if I want to
Struggling with this innate element of me, the one that won't let me walk away
I am spent
But somehow keep finding the strength to keep going, keep trying
Selfish to turn away
Selfish to stay?
I'm stuck
Flogging a dead horse?
What if's make me pause, inhale, renew my resolve and then continue to walk
Can't tell if the resistance is a defence mechanism or the reality of things
Tears, unexpected tears
Causing me to ache with my whole being
Then... rejection
Walking empty...