Struggling to find what was always there...

“Don’t take your joy away, don’t take your joy away. I know that I have done wrong but I’m asking you as I sing this song don’t take your joy away…”
Kirk Franklin and The Family

I’ve hidden from you
My behaviour hasn’t been fitting of you or your child and I knew you would feel hurt and disappointed.
Silly really for me to think I could hide when you see all and you know all.
I find peace in that because it also means that you see my inner struggle and understand my inner turmoil.
Not wanting to be a hypocrite sitting in your home and playing this make believe role when I am already away of how badly I was slacking so I stayed away.
Allowing my mistakes to push me further into my own silence.
I pick up your word and feel almost guilty, like my hands alone mar the memory of your beautiful story.
It’s funny because my story seems to be the same as some of those around me and we are all fighting to achieve the same thing.
A better relationship with you.
Faith decreases because of our own mistakes and we feel as though we are unworthy of expecting…
Re light the path for us… help us to see you more clearly.
Funny how I’m asking you to help me clear the water that I muddied.
Humbled to know that you will do it, because you love me.
Want to be more like you.

xxx