Step 1

Memories of my youth travel back with frightening speed when we speak about certain things that happened previously
Parts of my past that I chose to erase and therefore never shared with you
Physical scars leave even deeper emotional grooves and you wonder why I get so frustrated
You see, the first man I dated did and said things that you wouldn't believe
Played with my trust and dependency
Pretended he loved me
I can still see the dingyness of his shadowed home a true reflection of his heart
Brown and orange in decor
Gave him all I was capable of but he wanted more
Planted feeling of inadequacy
That seed still lives inside of me
Was taken off guard by his physical strength as he had never displayed this behaviour before
Kissing but he wanted more
Felt as though he deserved what he wanted but would take it either way
I no longer really had a say
I wonder whether this was the norm
A way he had behaved before
He said if I didn't let him he would harm those close to
Threatened my family
Something I would do anything to prevent unquestionably
14 years old and in a situation I never meant to be
Trust given irresponsibly
Changed pretty much everything about me
A sharp turn in my growth journey
The look in his eyes still haunts me
Maybe if I had spent more time staring into them beforehand I would've been ready
More aware, a mistake that I will never repeat
I wonder how closely you paid attention, and how much more you've now learnt of me...


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