...

You said "I thought you were stronger than you actually are" and I felt sick.
Disappointment filled my red hot blood and I became deflated for I had let you down.
Stronger...
Right now I certainly wanted to be
But something had made me feel like you would treat this softness a little more kindly.
Lulled into what I thought was a place of safety I removed the bricks that protected me.
But when you flinched in what appeared to be repulsion I struggled to force regression.
Misunderstood.
My ability to retreat and reset had been something I had only done when it there was absolutely no other way.
Disappearing into a world of my own making until it was all better.
This, however, felt like a disaster and I was ashamed.
Longing for the insulating warmth of my bubble.
It's mad because it seems like I have become less in control since that very notion took hold.
It's getting worse.
Like the saying has increased the doing and the being and now you keep seeing me not coping.
I had made a mistake and now I felt ugly and weak and damaged.


S.O.A.P® Blogging on the go...