A little poetry for ya.... Tis what I do best after all

Tears mix with smiles and I stop and ponder on where we are as opposed to where we were
In the middle of all this headache the only thing I want to do is climb into that warm bed next to you
The heat creating a soothing balm, birthing calm and rational thinking
Angels, Charles Dickens and Tarzan
Memories of that weekend cling to my bones as if they were born there, making the marrow sweeter
Laughter tinkles persistently as you always made me happy
That weekend you became my knight in shining armor aiming to protect me from hassle and issues
That unplanned extra night made it greater because that it brought us closer together
It showed us how we could be in an unexpected environment
Communication with the outside world became less than an afterthought as we basked in each other
We created stumbling blocks and then climbed over them hand in hand
Each time your fingers found mine I was pulled in a little more
The way your eyes sparkled wrapped me up in silk and taffeta
Kept me warm, optimistic and ready
Those memories remind me of how you desired me, of how you hungrily tried to swallow up each droplet of my essence in order to create something new
Something specific to me and you
I wonder if the greatness of what we are together is now less significant in your imagining
Because I still feel like we could do anything
Just as long as we really try
Kinks and creases can easily be ironed out of our laundry and even though it may sound corny
Communication really is key
I talked to damn much, because I couldn't afford for you to not understand how 143, how I'm blown away in appreciation for who you are and who you'll be.
I saw no other man when you stood in front of me
You encompassed all that I need
Would've called you mine proudly

Jelly, Mandarins and Guilty Pleasures

So I’m sitting at my desk eating jelly and it’s tastes so good so good in fact that the concept of Guilty Pleasures came to mind.

Life is full of those little things that we do just for the hell of it, just because we can, just cause they make us feel so damn good.
This is not always a bad thing as sometimes the desires of the heart, tummy, body, mind should be indulged.

The occasional moment of gratification is cool, sometimes even necessary, as long as it isn’t constantly to the detriment of some other poor soul or results in the loss of your own sanity.

Indulgence, extravagance and the love of luxury can wash away the woes of the day but can also result in addiction (shopping, food, sex etc) and I guess it’s at that point we must all learn about partaking in things at a sensible measure.

Guilty pleasures are called such simply because of our fear of judgement by others.

The German Schadenfreude has a more sinister meaning as it refers to the pleasure that is gained from the misfortunes of others and speaks of sadistic enjoyment… something that is apparently more common in men as opposed to women… Funny huh? Especially when us women are meant to be the ones that are more prone to mean, calculated bitchy behaviour.

Interesting what you can learn just from eating a mandarin flavoured jelly.

Natxxx

Logo's, Tattoo's and getting back on it!

Helloooooo out there,

To anyone that is reading this… My guess is that it stops with Ms Zainab 'Zayna Daze' Adam ( http://www.myspace.com/zaynadaze) who gave me a good telling off for being slack on my blog as she actually read them, (who knew ay!)

Sooo… here I am, trying to give the people what the people want, or in this case, the person what the person wants.

It’s been a mad year for me, my best friend left me to get married and there have been a number of talented poets/performers/singers etc that have released their solo material.
I will catch up on these individually as this is just my little re-introduction blog.

I’ve got lots of idea’s that will hopefully make this a fun read for you and my aim is to update this thing at least 3 times a week… ambitious I know… but I’m gonna try to remain dedicated so have a little faith.

Oh... Before I go... I have a brand new logo... Compliments of Mr David 'Disenelo' Charles, part of which has become my latest tattoo ( http://www.disenelo.com/ or http://twitter.com/disenelo and tell him that I sent ya)

So, with all that said…

Stay tuned… more to come… very soon…

Natxx

The downfall of the Chameleon

Before my sister got married she said something to me that has never left me,
“I knew I was ready to marry him when I realised that I wasn’t afraid to lose him”
Now I know upon first reading that you may scoff, disagree, possibly even think that she is out of her mind, and to the people that I have repeated this statement to thus far, their initial reaction is always in the negative, but let me explain why this is a necessary mind state to have, in order to maintain a successful relationship.

All too often we wait patiently and quietly for the person we want/love to fix up and be what we want/love. We alter key things about our personality, remain silent when injustices occur. We don’t tell them to shut up when they need to be told to shut up, don’t tell them when they hurt us, NEVER dispute incorrect behaviour and, more importantly, never ask the questions that we know we should, you know, those burning questions about the other man/woman, questions about what they want with the future, questions about what they want from/with you and what they are willing to give you.
Why?
Well, in my opinion it is because we are fearful of them walking away from us.

This is what my sister meant when she made that statement, she had reached the point where she knew that she would much rather live in complete happiness being the person she truly is, whilst he was allowed to do the same, he needed to accept that, just as she needed to accept him otherwise they would never work.
Imagine, living in a space where you could always be yourself… most of the time, the only opportunity we get to do that is when we are alone.
I look at my sister and her husband and their happiness is evident, they have truly achieved the blend of 2 becoming 1.

Anyone that knows me knows that I can be relatively fearless when it comes to asking certain questions. If a man can’t handle it, why should I spend endless nights worrying about what it was that I apparently did wrong and how I can fix it.
Honesty has become paramount to me and people that aren’t able to give me that have no place in my inner circle. It never fails to amuse me when people pay no attention to me politely letting them know that, for some reason, the truth always finds me and then try and get away with hiding said truth.

All around me, I see women afraid to ask the questions they know that they should, I see them isolating elements of themselves and trying to be what they believe this particular man wants at the time they think he wants it.
I see men trying to figure me out so that they can rank higher in my life, I see them trying to ask the right questions and being hesitant about answering questions that I ask, without realising that I am aware of this behaviour and I become increasingly frustrated with this attempt at being “right”.

Imagine living your life never being 100% true to who you are just so that someone else will want you for "who you are". I would honestly go insane.

I will be who I am, regardless of who you are. Love it or Leave it alone.

Tired of Standing Still

So, I’ve decided that this year, I’m gonna stop talking about it and start learning to be about it.

If I had to give a rough guesstimate, I figure that there are approx, oooh, shall we say, Eleventy Billion things that I want to achieve throughout the process of my short life and the longer I wait to get these things going, the more likely I am to run out of steam and just get lost in the occurances of everyday.

Now is the time to own all of the things that are special about me and try and get that perfect blend of humility and confidence because there is absolutely nothing wrong with me understanding that I am blessed with the ability to write my ass off, that I am a smart and perceptive woman and that I have a glittering energy. There is definitely nothing wrong with me being able to say in a clear, soothing voice “I am Special” because to put it bluntly, I am.

We were all entrusted with different characteristics, talents and abilities and it’s up to us to own and explore them. We were given them for a reason and I don’t know about you but I am really beginning to be filled with dread at the thought of me actually not being able to wake up and use any of the ones that are mine, because, as the saying goes "if you don't use it, it will be taken away".

I am extremely fortunate to travel in a circle that contains some of the most amazingly talented people that this town and even world has to offer. In them I find inspiration and encouragement, excitement and sanity. I was having a conversation with my Bestest friend Vanessa (otherwise known as Genius) the other day and we decided that being “regular” is just plain old boring. I mean, who would want to spend the rest of their life just plodding? Just living day to day, with nothing amazing to get excited about? Sure we may seem a bit weird to the majority of society but that’s not such a bad thing.

I mean, who seriously wants to be just like everyone else? Not I

We are quirky, odd, funny, intelligent and any other word that you feel is fitting to describe anything that goes against that normal grain of society.

I am tired of standing still and as a result am rejecting negativity and squeezing progression like the big cuddly Teddy bear that it is.

So, now that you have read this, what will you do? Embrace all the weird and wonderful things that swim within you, or “hide it under a bushel” until it’s taken away…