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Tears burn tracks on my cheeks
Now I know I won't find sleep
That stupid word cuts deeper than the sharpest of knives
It isn't true
I can't see how any part of me can be connected to that stupid word
Maybe I'm losing my mind because every time I hear it
My composure slips
Frustration beats at my stomach, pain gets stuck thick in my throat and regret stings at my eyes All the things this so called word means
Lost me the most precious of things

You


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Shit

Nearly slipped in this flippin white nightmare

Shit


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"The desire of the man is for the woman, but the desire of a woman is for the desires of a man"                                                                           'Anne Louise Germain de Stael'   So, I decided to take a small break from gloomy poetry blogging to have a little fun... I am on a brand new mission... I want a new look and have found some amazing websites to hopefully cater to that... Think Prohibition meets Post War meets today and you might have a small idea of what I am thinking about...   This thinking then got me, well, thinking...   Isn't it crazy that when us women are trying to clean/rid our system of something or someone we go for a new look but when it's men it's always a new object... I think that maybe says something about our mentality of how we view ourselves as opposed to how he views himself? For women, the immediate thought or feeling is that us, as we stand right now, just isn't good enough or needs to be different and so we seek to change ourselves in a bid to fix ourselves because this will inevitably make things better And the men? Well, they just go and buy something new, do something fun, opt for a new distraction. Do you see what I'm getting are here? Men NEVER think that they are the problem but woman ALWAYS do...   Interesting ... No? Something to think about... maybe   Anyways, with all that said... I still want a new look... and as soon as this bloody snow stops I will slowly start executing it...  LOL

Turmoil...

V says that I don't operate maliciously
Rika says that its easy to love me
Ayesh says I'm lovely...
So why am I questioning?
Struggling?
Am I a good person?
Does my ease with opinions and seemingly made up mind
Make me hurtful, unkind?
Is my heart blacker than I would like?
The type you want to keep your heart away from and your soul clear of?
Right now I just don't know
Stomachs knots up and I feel sick
I just don't know...
Things once deemed as positive now haunt me
Suffocating my certainty
Is it difficult to taste and then swallow when interacting?
I'm really really struggling
All my apparent positives feel like negatives and I wonder whether you find me ugly outside and in
Shit
Just
Don't
Know


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Patience

Don't know what I expected but your anger caught me off guard
Difficult decisions but in the end it was made easier because I listened to my heart
And even though you no longer hold me as you once did
Some things are just more important
Maybe you are worried I wouldn't keep my distance
That the life you had planned after my exit would be ruined now
Somehow
Well, I'll try my best to not be around
To not invade your space
Your life
You have made your thoughts and feelings clear
But even though each word has burned
I'll still be here
You once said that sometimes, just knowing I was near made it easier to bare
So, maybe that still holds true
I just want you to know that people can keep their word, that love does actually exist, that trust, honesty, patience and a genuine heart is something to be protected
Still... Your anger wasn't something I expected


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