The downfall of the Chameleon

Before my sister got married she said something to me that has never left me,
“I knew I was ready to marry him when I realised that I wasn’t afraid to lose him”
Now I know upon first reading that you may scoff, disagree, possibly even think that she is out of her mind, and to the people that I have repeated this statement to thus far, their initial reaction is always in the negative, but let me explain why this is a necessary mind state to have, in order to maintain a successful relationship.

All too often we wait patiently and quietly for the person we want/love to fix up and be what we want/love. We alter key things about our personality, remain silent when injustices occur. We don’t tell them to shut up when they need to be told to shut up, don’t tell them when they hurt us, NEVER dispute incorrect behaviour and, more importantly, never ask the questions that we know we should, you know, those burning questions about the other man/woman, questions about what they want with the future, questions about what they want from/with you and what they are willing to give you.
Why?
Well, in my opinion it is because we are fearful of them walking away from us.

This is what my sister meant when she made that statement, she had reached the point where she knew that she would much rather live in complete happiness being the person she truly is, whilst he was allowed to do the same, he needed to accept that, just as she needed to accept him otherwise they would never work.
Imagine, living in a space where you could always be yourself… most of the time, the only opportunity we get to do that is when we are alone.
I look at my sister and her husband and their happiness is evident, they have truly achieved the blend of 2 becoming 1.

Anyone that knows me knows that I can be relatively fearless when it comes to asking certain questions. If a man can’t handle it, why should I spend endless nights worrying about what it was that I apparently did wrong and how I can fix it.
Honesty has become paramount to me and people that aren’t able to give me that have no place in my inner circle. It never fails to amuse me when people pay no attention to me politely letting them know that, for some reason, the truth always finds me and then try and get away with hiding said truth.

All around me, I see women afraid to ask the questions they know that they should, I see them isolating elements of themselves and trying to be what they believe this particular man wants at the time they think he wants it.
I see men trying to figure me out so that they can rank higher in my life, I see them trying to ask the right questions and being hesitant about answering questions that I ask, without realising that I am aware of this behaviour and I become increasingly frustrated with this attempt at being “right”.

Imagine living your life never being 100% true to who you are just so that someone else will want you for "who you are". I would honestly go insane.

I will be who I am, regardless of who you are. Love it or Leave it alone.

Tired of Standing Still

So, I’ve decided that this year, I’m gonna stop talking about it and start learning to be about it.

If I had to give a rough guesstimate, I figure that there are approx, oooh, shall we say, Eleventy Billion things that I want to achieve throughout the process of my short life and the longer I wait to get these things going, the more likely I am to run out of steam and just get lost in the occurances of everyday.

Now is the time to own all of the things that are special about me and try and get that perfect blend of humility and confidence because there is absolutely nothing wrong with me understanding that I am blessed with the ability to write my ass off, that I am a smart and perceptive woman and that I have a glittering energy. There is definitely nothing wrong with me being able to say in a clear, soothing voice “I am Special” because to put it bluntly, I am.

We were all entrusted with different characteristics, talents and abilities and it’s up to us to own and explore them. We were given them for a reason and I don’t know about you but I am really beginning to be filled with dread at the thought of me actually not being able to wake up and use any of the ones that are mine, because, as the saying goes "if you don't use it, it will be taken away".

I am extremely fortunate to travel in a circle that contains some of the most amazingly talented people that this town and even world has to offer. In them I find inspiration and encouragement, excitement and sanity. I was having a conversation with my Bestest friend Vanessa (otherwise known as Genius) the other day and we decided that being “regular” is just plain old boring. I mean, who would want to spend the rest of their life just plodding? Just living day to day, with nothing amazing to get excited about? Sure we may seem a bit weird to the majority of society but that’s not such a bad thing.

I mean, who seriously wants to be just like everyone else? Not I

We are quirky, odd, funny, intelligent and any other word that you feel is fitting to describe anything that goes against that normal grain of society.

I am tired of standing still and as a result am rejecting negativity and squeezing progression like the big cuddly Teddy bear that it is.

So, now that you have read this, what will you do? Embrace all the weird and wonderful things that swim within you, or “hide it under a bushel” until it’s taken away…

Chemistry

“There’s a Chemistry, Energy, our Synchronicity when we’re all alone, so don’t tell me you can’t see what I’m thinking of” Breathless by Corinne Bailey Rae

Chemistry can be a funny thing, but when it is properly reciprocated it becomes so tangible that it can almost be cut with the bluntest of knives and is definitely something that permeates into the atmosphere making it evident to all those who witness it.

It is what makes you forget good sense leaving you lost in the euphoria that surrounds it.
Everything else seems to fade to a blur when you are in the presence of pure, maybe even raw chemistry.

For the lucky people that are consumed by this, it seems to have that car crash quality and you find yourself swept away as this tide tugs at you, pulling you out further than you may want to go and you find yourself constantly making eye contact as both of your retinas sparkle with exquisite recognition and your pupils involuntarily dilate.
The energy created becomes exciting and electric and whatever is going on around you just doesn’t seem to matter.

Chemistry is what makes all good relationships last, it is what creates the butterflies, fluttering around in your stomach when you know you are going to see that person, even though you have seen them regularly for the past month, year or decade even.
It is what sends that current to all the important zones in and around your body when they hold your hand or touch the small of your back.

Have you ever noticed those times where no matter what you are doing be it sitting down to dinner or a movie, standing and watching a band or simply going to sleep, there always seems to be some kind of subconscious body contact with that person? Or how you seem to know what that person is saying from just the flicker in their eye? Maybe even how your decision to stay away from that certain person becomes inconsequential the minute your energy makes contact with theirs.

Yep, you guessed it, it’s that sweet, gorgeous, addictive Chemistry.

Don't Think Just Feel

This is something I have said for a long while but has recently become my Motto and will probably stay that way for a long time.

It stretches to so many different area's of life.
You will find this statement appropriate for everything from learning to love to buying that dress or shoes you have seen, from writing an amazing piece of Poetry to painting a masterpiece to taking that once in a lifetime photograph.
I Challenge you... pick an area of your life and I will tell you how that statement applies.

As human beings, we have a tendency to overthink absolutely EVERYTHING and have stopped just listening to our gut instinct. That little voice that whispers to us showing us the way that we are supposed to go.

Last night I got on my bus and realised that I had somehow misplaced one of my "less than an hr old" gloves. I got home and had a quick rummage through my bags to see if I had slipped it in any of them without realising, needless to say, I hadn't. That little feeling told me to go back to Finsbury Park station just to see if it was there that I had lost it... I ignored this voice for approx 4mins and then put on a pair of chucks and headed back out into the cold... I had been at the station for about 30 seconds when I spotted my -dun dun dunnnnnnnnnnnn- missing glove... a small example maybe but it still highlights my point.

I have lost count of the amount of times I didn't listen but instead allowed events to play out how they wished and wound up kicking myself because I knew better.

So, the next time you have a decision to make... Don't Think Just Feel and then tell me how it went.